if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
