It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
