belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
