I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
