hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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