My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
