So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
this boner is exhausting
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
