There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
