Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
