This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
