i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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