Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
