You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
