He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
