college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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