you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
