Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
