You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
