my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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