Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
