You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
