it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
