i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
