I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
