At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
