Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
