Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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