The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Randomize
