My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
