Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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