I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
