he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
