boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
