I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
