Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
