i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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