I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
