my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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