Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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