I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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