Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
All the doctor said was why
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
