I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
