No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
