Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
