I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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