whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
