I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
