When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
