he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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