Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
