Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
