There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
