do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Soap is not a condiment
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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