And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
