there's paper in my vomit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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