Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
