I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
