Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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