dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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