saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
