You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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