awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she looked like the before picture.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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