You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
