Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
