Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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