You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
