Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
