My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
